In 2024 our middle daughter, Lily Rose, got married. Soon after, we went to France. Then right before Christmas we went back to France, and a month later, I’m still here.
What am I doing here in France? A question of purpose…
Just this week I remembered a post-it note I wrote and put next to the refrigerator a year or so ago. “By 2029 we will live in or near Paris for 1-3 months.” Wish fulfillment?
I’ve built a few friendships with French women over the past few years and one of them offered me her apartment in Paris since she lives with her boyfriend, so the opportunity presented itself (more later on building community in France)
I’ve been in France for a month and probably won’t return home to Camas, WA for another three weeks because, pourquois pas? Why not? as the French are fond of throwing in to so many conversations, even when speaking English.
I’m experimenting, trying out life in France… not as a tourist, but as a writer living an everyday life, but what exactly does this look like?
Je réfléchisse… I love this verb which can also be reflexive, reflecting to oneself on how things come about, and also on who we are now, in this place.
This is my first week alone, although I came alone. We fly stand-by, which is a little like using floo-powder… and lots of good chocolate for the gate agents… The next day my husband, John, and our youngest daughter, Arielle, joined me.
Arielle a 17.5 ans–so this is her last year of high school, our last year together as a family, at least the way we are now… we had to do some touristy things together. On the last Sunday before Christmas we attended mass at Notre Dame (hint- this is the shortest line, but we all wanted to attend mass though we are not Catholics, unless you count my long-lapsed hub..). Afterwards we joined the tourists for a stroll through the renewed cathedral.
On Christmas Eve we went to Le Grand Palais so Arielle could ice skate; even though it boasts of being the largest rink in the world, it was quite crowded, and they don’t allow observers. While she skated we attended the art exhibit by Chiharu Shiota—worth seeing if you like art installations and symbolism—only 20 min. in line sans reservation.
The friends who provided the flat invited us for Christmas eve dinner with their family. We studied up for this night (practicing French with a tutor and online conversation club). The night was a magical mix of languages, drinks and foods we’ve never tried- foie gras, and for me, oysters on the half shell. Each personalized place setting came with a small watercolor painting of somewhere in Paris, done by my friend’s father, the artist-host.
On Christmas morning the dynamics shifted as our daughter’s best friend joined us… As competitive ice skaters, they searched out the best patinoires, but all the ice skating rinks were crowded. They finally ventured outside the periphique and found what they were searching for— enough space to jump and glide, and chat with other skaters. They also went to the friperies for some vintage finds, and visited Galleries Lafayette (which also has a friperie); they splurged on Chanel lipstick (and talked me into my first ever red…). We went to the Musée des Arts Forains, a fun Carnival from the 19th century (and research for my dual timeline novel).
If you are in Paris- Go–Do the horse races and bike track. And take silly photos…
Then on January 2, in the very early morning hours, they went back to CDG for the trip home. John and I were alone again, something that has been at a premium over the last 45 years of marriage… We’ve been to Paris several times, but never alone for any length of time. Arielle will graduate high school this year, bringing some reprieve to the last 43 years raising 6 kids, and the possibility of more time in France… so this is the year, if all goes well.
The next day we took the TGV to Bordeaux and beyond. We went to look at where we might live, temporarily, or for good. I’ll circle back to where we went and what we found, but for now the question that keeps coming back to me now that I’m alone again, here in Paris: What am I doing here? And who am I now, because there are a lot of possibilities and personalities within us. I’ve noticed a shift with the language, in both myself and my husband as we learn French. He has more initiative where I am more timid—this is a shift from who we are at home, almost as if we’ve traded places or personalities. After returning to Paris we took one more train trip- to Provence to check out a language immersion program… More on that next time.
So what am I doing here, alone in Paris?
I’m here to experiment… with everything from the water to the shape of the day. The water from the tap in Paris is not bad, but not enticing. I bought a filtering pitcher, but the water still needs something, so I added rosemary and celery…
Alone, I find myself reaching for my healthiest, truest self, wanting to conjure and coach her out into the open, expand her nature to be more active, more adventurous, and more loving. Pourquoi pas?
I’m also here to finish a novel I started long ago, one that ends here in Paris. Maybe if I’m left alone I can finally finish it, because this is the life I’m trying out, that of the writer in Paris, alone with her story.
Now it’s time to get out and walk, explore the parks in the 20e, and stop by the James Baldwin Mediathéque where I can use wifi. But I’ll be back. 2025 looks like it could be the year Mamomemo moves to France.
